Since beginning the blogs on sexual abuse I have received an overwhelming repsonse from people that have been sexually abused, that have shared their story with me and how God has helped them through such a difficult time...this next story that I am going to share with you is actually a couple of stories. I have removed names, places and changed ages for obvious reasons. I pray that this story will help you as you are trying to make sense of what has happened to you.....
The following is the story I received;
"I'll start with my mother. My mother was 6 years old when the husband of a family friend of my grandmothers began molesting her and my aunt who was 7 at the time. During the summers the 2 of them were sent to stay the summer with them. The abuse was so bad that they would sleep in the crawl space under the house because it was the only place he couldn't reach them. When my mother couldn't take it anymore, she told. She was slapped so hard it literally thru her across the room and into the wall and she was told to quit making up those lies and to never tell another living soul. The man who was doing it to them was a very well liked deacon in a chuch in their town, and the woman my mom told was also in the church. It was covered up. (this is the hardest for me because it has left her with hard feelings for the church) Fast forward to 1981 and my mom is pregnant with my brother when she begins having nightmares. The things that were done to her she had blocked out, but now they were coming back. They threatened her ability to lead a normal life, her marriage, her everything. She has been thru her share of counseling and is better, however, it never goes away. At 6 years old she started to stutter one day while talking and nobody knew why. She had never done it before. Now, to this day, she has a problem with that and doctors relate it to the trauma she went thru. I have heard bits and pieces of the things that he did to them and they are enough to rip my heart out. I pray for her daily. Thats all I can do.
Now, I will share my story with you. I was 17 years old. It was a few weeks before graduation. I was at a party with some friends and started talking to a guy who went to a neighboring school. A little while later he asked me if I wanted to go with him to give a ride home to a guy that I knew from my school and come right back. I said sure and we left. We dropped off the other guy and headed back. Next thing I know he has pulled the truck over and is climbing all over me. I will admit, at first I kissed him back. Then he was trying to pull off my pants and I said NO. He said he would leave me there if I didn't and I had no idea where i was. He pulled my clothes off and raped me as I begged him to stop. Then he drove me back to the party and I got in my car and went straight home. All I wanted to do was wash his smell off of me. I never told.I have been in therapy and they tell me that crimes like this will make a person go one of 2 ways. You will either draw in, or you will act out. You will push people away and remain a very secluded person, or you will become wild and reckless with your life. I my self acted out. I thought that nobody would want me if I didn't have sex. I thought that was all I had to offer. That put me into a very promiscuous life style that could have ultimately ended my life. Apparently, that is normal. I have another dear friend who was molested by a family member, and she was one who drew inward.
The only thing that helped me was some good therapy and GOD. GOD can heal you, but I personally believe that you need someone else who knows what you are feeling and can help you to process it. Otherwise you carry it around and it consumes you and your life in ways you could never dream. I found that you could be acting out of anger, or hurt, or confusion and never realize that the decisions you are making are a result of the trauma that occured in your life that was never resolved. "
Let me just add this, GOD WILL heal you!!! If you are going to go to a counselor I suggest you find a good, Godly Christian counselor, because they will make prayer a part of the process and God is THE healer!!
Nathan
